This is a picture of my boyfriend and I. This is a picture of my Happiness.I've been thinking about post-placement days a lot and I thought that this is a topic that should be highly stressed in the placing process. The first thing I want to say is HAPPINESS after placing does exist. I have experienced it, waking up and smiling and being excited for the day. Quite the contrary to my days following placing G baby. To put it frankly, All I wanted to do was lay in bed all day and cry/die or both at the same time. I would cry myself to sleep for multiple nights accompanied with feelings of purging. I felt sadness, a bitter-sweet happiness, I felt anger, I felt tired, and I felt stressed. These are all to be expected, however unfortunately NOTHING can compare you for placing time. Others can give their advice and experiences, your case worker can tell you what it will be like, and you can even watch shows on what it's like now a days, but EVERYONE handles that day differently. My best advice would be to do what is best for you those days.. RELAX and treat yourself to self-loathing activities and fulfilling cravings all week long. You deserve it. Personally, being honest I did not do any post-placement counseling... now I'm sort of a freak-of-nature and don't recommend that. I know you feel at this time that no one will ever understand what you are going through and that may be the case, but it helps! It helps to talk about it and not just bottle inside. Placing a child is in a way a traumatizing event... You just carried your little one for 9 mos. and now you go home empty handed. It's normal to feel all those feelings I felt and the ones you may feel as well. And I'm here to tell you, IT'S OKAY. It's okay to cry and want someone to comfort you, it's okay to talk to someone about how much it hurts, it's okay to indulge in chocolate all day long ;). I can honestly say that with time, Happiness reappears in your life, in different ways of course. IT EXISTS POST-PLACEMENT. Take the appropriate time to grieve, and eventually you will find something that leads you back to that glowing smile you had back when.
To sum it up in a final thought;
Life is hard, period. It's also very beautiful. Sometimes when we are experience one of our ordeals we loose sight of all that is has to offer, and of all that we have to offer. You're amazing and you're strong (all of us), and a little self-indulgence may just be what the doctor ordered to remind you of this. I like songs to express what I'm saying, so here is one of my all time favs.
Des'ree- You got to be.
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