Above was just a short video to watch at my attempt to describe me being M.I.A (Missing in action), not sure it completely justified it, so I thought I would write a little somethin' somethin' to reiterate what I didn't capture.

I thought I hadn't written in about 3 months... Wrong, I hadn't written in about 5 (Oops). The reasons had varied from moving around (From Ohio to California to Texas, and ironically now writing this in Ohio again), to being just busy, a little lazy, but mostly... needing a break. Yes, sometimes I need a break from the adoption world. Not that I don't just love everyone involved, it's just as I have stated before I separate myself emotionally as my way of coping. And sometimes being involved with adoption can just be a wee bit overwhelming. I vowed to keep this blog full of truth and raw emotion, even if it wasn't always rainbows and butterflies. So here it goes...

I can't always nor do I want to think about adoption or Gavin or my emotions with the both. I would break. My perfect composure about the issue would shatter, and I may run the chance of bitterness, so rather than having it get to that point.. I just back up and give myself room, space, some time to think, and some time to enjoy and live the life I had decided to live rather than being a single parent. I recommend some breathing room for all birth parents (length dependent on each individual). Obviously if you are reading this, chances are you're a reader of Mrs. R's blog to, and you know they have gotten chose again (YAY). Before I start on my emotions (since i've been asked by a few people on how I have felt about it) let me just say that I am completely and utterly excited and happy for them, and for the new addition(s) to the fam. Now, let me tell you what I was feeling up until this point (if i can even explain it)...

Stand-offish maybe, withdrawn, hesitant, or all 3 combined... You have to understand that in the adoption world, having talked to young women who have found themselves in the same place I was 4 years ago, you know the hesitation and burst of emotions they are about to experience, and don't quite believe they can possibly know what they are really about to do yet. Combined with the experience of the scammer T.A. I honestly didn't know whether to believe it or not at first, I really did not want to get close with a new girl and talk to her about all these emotions and invest myself only for her to walk away (not that i wouldn't ever not be there for her if she needed), so I felt like this time around, I have to just be patient and get to know her as Nicole and I did each other. I also felt, weird, I mean i've seen and heard about the adoption experience (since my own), over and over again...but not with R family. I was the "baby" of the adoptions in the R house... Gav was the baby for 3 years, so to see the relationship we have with the R's happening with someone who wasn't Nic or I, had to take some getting used to. And in gettin used to that to be honest, I sort of pulled away from them. Not that OBVIOUSLY I don't love them, but like I said I just needed my space and time. I spoke to Nicole (T's birth mom about it) since she is my go-to girl about those sort of things, and she knew exactly what I was going through..ironically because when I was coming into the picture she felt the same way. Funny how those things happen.

I think in the adoption world on both sides (birth parents, and A parents), it is appropriate to need a breather, to take some time for ourselves to relax, to unwind, to process... mine and the R's relationship is pretty strong, healthy, and great and if it weren't for taking some time, combined with our communication and understanding.... I honestly don't think it would be where it is at today. I am eager and excited to share a lot more things with ya'll in the future! :) I promise to update more. Have a great day! * SEE SIDE NOT FOR NEW ADDITION below


To see additional posts, click on "Older Posts."


*DEAR C, if you are reading this....
please don't mistake any of my emotions or words in this post for not being welcomed by Nicole or I. You most certainly are and we are BOTH so eager and excited to meet and get to know you. I'm sure overtime we will be as close as nic and I are and I hope you always know you have a friend in me and someone who you can vent to about anything!!!! welcome to the family! :)