Labor & Delivery.

Labor & Delivery

A part of Gavin's adoption very few people know about..
Back then, that is how I wanted it...
but now, I shall divulge (a little bit) to you fine people!

That was a time in my life that I wanted to be alone... alone to think, alone to process, and alone with my son. My mom had plans to fly into SLC to be there for the birth of my son, but due to her flying stand by we weren't sure exactly if she would make it in time. Suggestions arose for various people to be in the room with me if she wasn't able to make it, but I was pretty insistent on giving birth alone had my mom not been there. It is not because I didn't want or appreciate their unfailing support, because I absolutely did and loved them for it. Simply, it's because this was such an intimate and important moment in my life, that I really didn't feel comfortable sharing it with someone else. My mom's flight luckily made it in time and she was there by my side... holding my hand.. playing the role of an non-supporting birth father. I honestly could not love my mom more for that time.

So let me start on the details, and let me tell you by the end of this I will probably have a tear or two rolling down my cheek at the sky harbor int'l airport in Phoenix, AZ where I am currently writing this... here we go.

I got induced on a Thursday, August 28, 2008 at around almost 11pm. Chalk it up to a mixture of my doctor going on vacation that week and me so READY to get Gavin out of my tummy (I tried naturally inducing in every way possible), I don't necessarily agree with either reason, especially because it was about 5 days earlier than his due date of September 4... but nonetheless it was time. I knew from about day 1 I would get an epidural, I'm not one for pain, and I sware by it... I would go back and do it again if I had to. I felt my first contraction while I was using the restroom and I, verbatim, responded with "ABSOLUTELY NOT. I want one now." ha ha. Gavin was head down, but unfortunately for awhile was facing the other way towards my rear and I was in so much pain (even though I had an epidural), excuse me for saying this, but I literally thought I was going to POOP HIM OUT. I was crying a little bit, but that's because I can be a whiny baby sometimes. Eventually the nurses came to turn me to see if he would turn as well and voila, pain eased, tears ceased.

I had Gav at about 12:10pm in the afternoon on Friday, August 29,2008. The whole time leading up to this I had envisioned myself in the role of all the damsel-in-distress pregnant women in the movies, with me using just about every curse word in the book, and squeezing my poor mom's hand. I hate to disappoint, but it was far less dramatic than I had imagined. I remember the doctor coming in and telling me it was time to push, she told me to push like I was having a bowel movement. We did I believe 2 practice pushes, and she told me I was a pro (not sure what that means ha ha), and that I was ready. THREE (yes I repeat only 3) pushes later, Gavin Lee Redfern had entered the world. Now, let me tell you I loved my child unconditionally, but I told them before I had pushed that I did not want them to lay him on me with the cord and the blood, and all that fun jazz ( I was 19, come on), my mom cut the cord and they cleaned him up pronto, and placed him in my arms.

THE TEARS flowed. I just sat there holding my little slice of heaven in my arms, crying. He was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. Only then, did I learn what true love was. For the next 2 days... I never wanted to let him go. In fact I momentarily became an instant-over-protective parent, I didn't even want people to hold him who hadn't lathered up and bathed in hand sanitizer. My mom and I, for the longest time just sat in silence admiring our flesh and blood of a miracle and loving him as much as we could. The R's were called, and rushed to the hospital to see their new son. It was so great to see them, but at the same time a very hard and confusing time for me. I had now knew what love was, and wasn't sure if I was willing to let it go. (Obviously I made the choice too), but at that time I won't lie and say it didn't make me cry a little to see them with him. I don't want them (especially if they are reading this) to feel bad or that I resent the time they were there, because I absolutely do not.. I am so glad we could share that time together and they were there to see him right after his birth, but I am just being honest about my raw feelings at that time.

The next few days were in and out visits, paperwork, tears, and love. But it's truly the first few hours he was in this world, that I cherish the most. The time my mom and I had to hold Gavin, to talk to Gavin, and to love on Gavin before he was introduced to the world.

I love you baby boy, forever & always.











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