Need You I hear

To be honest with you, when i think of blog titles, i try to be as clever as possible, sometimes i fail miserably, and other times i physically (in hiding) give myself a huge round of a applause... you know the kind when you were 5 where you make a circle motion with your hands. This specific one is a little confusing "Need you I hear"... it was inspired by my first thought when writing this which was... "What i need to hear" then I thought of course what i had to say (because i'm a loud mouth) which in turn was " What you need to hear" (from me) and wah lah, we've got Need you I hear. The breakdown of empathetic communication summed up by 4 words.

Having it been 4 years since I got pregnant, I often focus on life post-placement, and the feelings that correspond with where I am at in my own b-mom journey. But this blog wasn't soley created for me or for Gav, it was created for young women like myself who have either placed or are potentially looking into it. And let's face it when you're young, and find yourself in an unexpected pregnancy, having to make the hardest decisions you will ever have to in your life, and you look online for resources and support you sure as heck don't want to hear how happy I am. Or maybe you do, but I don't think that's the only thing... at that point in my life I definitely wouldn't have. I probably would of thought wow, this girl is way to chipper for having made the decision she did. (Which then i would have told myself hit older posts lol).

Which brings me to the question; What did I NEED to hear at that time of my life?

I'm sure this varies among each individual, this answer is only on my behalf, and I recommend that you ask each individual birth mom/potential birth mom what it is she feels she needs to hear.
When I was pregnant and considering adoption, it was a very confusing time for me... I wasn't sure what I was going to do with my life or that of this little baby growing inside me. I had more hormonal emotions than 5 normal-me combined, but at the same time was also very defiant in taking anyone's advice. Point blank, at that time in my life I did NOT need to hear what someone else thought I should do with my life. I did need to hear that I was supported no matter what decision I made though, which my parents did a fantastic job of. I needed to hear that I was loved and that whatever choice I made, would be the right one for me and g baby, and that all would be okay. I did not need to be condemned for getting pregnant (believe me I did that enough myself), nor that I was a dissapointment (even if my action of getting pregnant was). As well as love and support, and even if i did not want to hear it, I needed to hear the reality of my situation. Often times we find ourselves so caught up in the turmoil, ordeals, and drama of our own lives we fail to see the reality of the situation for what it is. It is not our faults, but rather human nature in general. I needed to hear that the novelty of having a newborn child would wear off, and I would indeed be parenting my son alone. (Be careful not to add personal opinion to this fact).

I needed to hear of good outcomes with open adoption, that I would see my son again, that i would KNOW he was living the life I wanted for him. And I needed to know that the people around me knew that I was doing everything I was, and making every choice I did out of love...

I was fortunate enough to hear just about all of these, and for that I know i'm blessed.

Now what I needed you to hear (and by you I mean one):

I need you to hear that during the pregnancy/adoption period I was having just about the most difficult time in my life. I need you to know that my ultimate decision whether it was to parent/or to place ( In my case to place) was mine to make, and I definitely outweighed the option. I need you to hear that I don't need your negative words or feedback about my decision in my life what so ever. I need you to hear that if you educate yourself on adoption in today's world I will respect your opinion so much more. I need you to hear that I was dying for a way out of making the final decision, and that running away from the world seemed like a plausible decision. I need you to hear, that i needed you close, but yet I needed my own space too. I need you to hear that not every adoption is the same and mine is unique. And more importantly I need you to hear that I in fact respect you for at least attempting to help me in any way shape or form at that point in my life.

Now put yourself in the scenario you think best fits you whether you are an expectant mother, or the loved one of the expectant mother... these scenarios can be switched out with multiple people and can be as generalized or specified as you want. This was soley me, at that point in my life, on the brink of placing my flesh and blood 4 days after I welcomed him into the world.

Make your voice heard. Make it known what you want. And surround yourself with totally supportive people.
It's the best thing you can do in a time of heartache and confusion.

Sincerely,
Joniec





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